What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
