i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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