It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize