I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
