Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
