His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
