nut hugger
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
