we're chasing vodka with high fives
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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