he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
