I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
