Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just google imaged poop.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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