My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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