the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she told me i tasted like america
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
