Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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