That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
