hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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