Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
