i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
