would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
