when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
