I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
