Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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