Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
