Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
