hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
