Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
