You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize