somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
