6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
