You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
