My underwear smells like fireworks.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
