I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
