i already hear my dad disowning me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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