Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
