Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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