dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
