i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We had sex on a dog bed..
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