One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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