she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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