And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
