I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
