Where did you get a picture of my penis
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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