Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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