You're so nebulous sometimes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
