Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
