I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
