I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
