I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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