you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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