Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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