just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
