I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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