We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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