the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
