I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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