Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
