Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
