theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
