On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
