Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
