It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize