corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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