my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
