Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
