How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
