I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
