we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
