she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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