Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
