Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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