the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well you can't waste a boner
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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