Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
