Sry I called you an 8
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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