Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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