just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
