Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
