she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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