I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
