We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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