U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize