i just had sex bonerless
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
