We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
