I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
